these are my answers to some questions posed on the first day of Asian Philosophy... they aren't all that well thought out, since i tapped them into netscape composer while sitting at work only twenty minutes before the class at which they were due.... but these answers may give you insight into the (unsound?) mind of the muppet.

EXISTENTIAL QUESTIONS

1. Who am I?
   I am me, and you are not me. I am a figment of my imagination. Who is the ``my'' in that statement? Who knows?
2. What is my ultimate goal?
3. How might I best attain that goal?

METAPHYSICAL AND ETHICAL QUESTIONS

1. Do you believe in a) a personal God, b) an ultimate reality that is impersonal, or c) neither?
   I think I believe in an ultimate reality that is impersonal, but I've not put much thought into the matter in the last few years.
2. If neither, what?
   (N/A)
3. If you believe in a personal God, then would you claim that Gid is ``all powerful'' and ``all good''?
   (N/A)
4. What do you believe is that cause of pain and suffering in the world, including natural disasters?
   the cause of pain and suffering
5. Do you believe that the universe is a) a ``creation'' of God, b) a ``manifestation'' of the ultimate reality, or c) neither?
   neither...
6. If neither, what?
   To me, the universe simply is. If there is indeed a ``physical'' manifestation of the ultimate reality, it would have to be that which contains the universe.
7. Do you believe that we are born with free will (free choice) ?
   I believe we have free will to the extent that we are free to choose our actions and reactions to stimuli. The argument that since our nature and preferences determines our behavior we must have no free will doesn't fly for me, although it is an interesting point. The ability to choose based on those influences is the more important factor.
8. If so, give me an example of an act of free will (free choice); that is, an act that is not determined by any external or internal motivating factors, but is totally free.
   An example of free will: I choose to believe in free will rather than to prove its existence, in the face of decent arguments in opposition. (This could also be termed ``foolhardiness''...)
9. Do you believe that we each have only one life to live, or do you believe that we are reborn from one lifetime to the next?
   I believe that once the life passes from an ``earthly'' body, that life does not enter another earthly body. (Yes, this avoiding the question in a way.)
10. Do you believe in eternal salvation?
    If I said I believed in eternal salvation, it would be without conviction. I was raised to believe in the Christian Heaven and Hell (via Methodism) but I can't honestly say that I believe it deep down.
11. If so, do you believe that eternal salvation is a) a peace, b) a state of being, or c) neither?
    (N/A)
12. If neither, what?
    (N/A)
13. If you believe in eternal salvation, then how does one attain it?
    If I did believe in eternal salvation, I doubt that it would be won simply by having my head dunked in a river by some guy in robe. What point is there in a personal god who looks into the heart of each being to determine the purity and worth? (the pat answer is ``that's not for us to know'') I just can't swallow that. Then again, I am uncertain in almost all ways... agnostic and questioning to a fault.
14. What is (are) the main thing(s) that prevents someone from attaining eternal salvation?
    In most western religions, it is sin that prevents salvation, and the absolution of sin the the answer. This leaves us with the stuck questions of ``what is sin,'' ``where does one draw the line,'' and ``who decides, anyway?'' The conflicting notions of most religions are what led me to find my own definition. In the muppet's world, sin is something that is against one's own ideas of right and wrong; remorse is a key indicator of sin. This means you have defied yourself, an ultimate wrong.
15. If you believe in eternal salvation, then do you believe that there are some individuals who never attain it?
    (N/A)
16. Do you believe that we possess a ``soul,'' or a ``spirit,'' or a ``mind'' that is non-physical?
    Yes; the ``soul'' is that which makes us alive.
17. If so, then where is it located within the body and how does it remain there; that is, why does it seem to ``stick'' to our bodies?
    It need not inhabit our bodies - to (mis)quote Yoda, ``it surrounds us, and penetrates us.'' As for why it sticks with us... I know not.
18. Do you believe that we ``deserve'' everything that we get, or are some people merely lucky and others unlucky?
    We humans are not so special as we so arrogantly tend to believe; bad and good things happen to everyone and everything, rather indiscriminately. While it's more chance than anything, the word ``luck'' gives this phenomenon more personality, and a world with personality is much easier to bear than an impersonal one. People often do, however, deserve what they get from other people, often in the form of justice. Then again, nature is pretty good at poetic justice.
19. Do you believe in experiences that might be interpreted as being outside out normal ``laws of nature,'' such as levitation, turning invisible, reading minds, predicting the future, or walking through walls?
    I've never seen anything to make me believe that levitation, astral travel, telekinesis, or the psychic friends network are real. On the other hand, we don't know everything; who's to say with such certainty that they can't happen? What about the transporter on Star Trek? Hyperspace in Star Wars? A few years ago people thought that horseless chariots were a pipe dream, and lasers were unattainable science fiction. Yet we have no scientific explanation of how a sentient being is actually sentient! This very characteristic is that which is typically given the name of the soul (in some way or another). If the soul cannot be explained by today's science, why should we discount ``supernatural'' occurrences by today's science? I, for one, would love to learn to levitate; Arthur Dent discovered that the way to fly is to forget that you're falling....
20. If so, then how do you account for them?
    (See previous answer...)
21. Are you able to stop thinking anytime you like, that is, turn off your cognitive interpretation of the world?
    No, no, a thousand times no!! (except when my ex-girlfriend would ask me those ``about us'' questions --- then i couldn't think to save my life!)
22. If not, do you think that there would be any benefit to being able to quiet your mind or stop thinking so much?
    There would be a definite benefit in the vein of peace of mind. I might be able to get to sleep in less than two hours, I would be a calmer, more well-rested person, better able to think clearly. There's another question: why do we need to sleep? (to rest the soul? to catalog the information of the day? to rest the physical body? all of the above? none of the above?)
23. What would be the benefit of being able to quiet your thoughts?
    (See previous answer...)
24. Do you believe human desire is a good thing or a bad thing?
    Human desire is a good thing...
25. Why?
    ...because the world would be a very boring place without the unruly and unfailing sort of driving mechanism that is human desire.
26. Do you believe that the rules concerning human mornality and ethical action come from God, were created by humans, or follow directly from human nature?
    The morals professed by nearly all religions follow the same basic premise: be nice to other people. There is no reason in nature to be nice to others, given that most people/creatures are decidedly not nice and would prefer to eat you rather than waste the time getting to know you. However, the ``being nice and cooperating'' idea is a particularly useful one. As for whence it came... quite possibly an invention of humans, after reflecting on the potential benefits.
27. Why?
    (See previous answer...)
28. Is there are ``true'' or ``authentic'' self that is different from your everyday self?
    Yes there is a ``true or authentic self,'' different from my everyday self...
29. If so, describe it?
    ...he's the one without all the inhibitions and frustrations and such. The true me is the one I'm ``unconsciously trying to be'' in everyday life, and failing miserably. And if there is any justice in the world, he's better-looking and a real hit with the ladies.

PERCEPTUAL QUESTIONS

1. What is your favorite color?
   My favorite color is purple.
2. What is your least favorite color?
   I abhor most shades of pink, though puke-green is a close second.
3. What is your favorite music, singer, or group?
   My favorite music is some form of rock and roll; I've far too many favorites to chose any one. (Miles Davis' Kind of Blue is in the top ten, though.)
4. What is your leasts favorite music, singer, or group?
   Yoko Ono should be flayed in a pool of rubbing alcohol, then sat in front of a tv with her eyelids sewn open to watch Plan 9 from Outer Space and an Alf marathon.
5. What is your favorite vegetable?
   My favorite vegetable (if there is such a thing) would be corn on the cob.
6. What is your least favorite vegetable?
   George Bush was absolutely right about broccoli.
7. What is your favorite flavor os ice cream?
   Graeter's black cherry --- ambrosia!
8. What is your least favorite flavor os ice cream?
   Black licorice-flavored ice cream makes me sick.
9. What is your favorite smell?
   I'd rather not admit this one...
10. What is your least favorite smell?
    I'll never understand why pigs can taste so good but smell so foul.
11. What is your favorite automobile?
    My favorite car is the time-traveling Delorean in Back to the Future.
12. Are you not at all, a little bit, or very ticklish?
    I am somewhat ticklish.
13. DO you like being tickled?
    I don't mind being tickled by someone I really like... as long as I can fight back.
14. What is your favorite sport?
    I rather like basketball.
15. What is your least favorite sport?
    Baseball bores me; I think it's a residual resentment from being stuck in right field in little league.
16. What is your favorite television show?
    The Simpsons rules my world. There's so much to love about that show... Mystery Science Theater 3000 runs a very, very close second.
17. What is your least favorite television show?
    I saw an episode of Mr. Men yesterday and it frightened me. Most tv news magazines are pretty horrid as well. To be honest, however, I can't really pick a least favorite tv show because I rarely watch long enough to develop a very strong opinion.
18. What is your favorite movie?
    No contest for the favorite movie: The Empire Strikes Back. There are a ton of runners up, however.
19. What is your least favorite movie?
    My least favorite movie was this abomination to which I was dragged on a date. I can't recall the title, as I've tried to block the memory from my mind, but it scarred me for life. A close collective second: most of Disney's recent ``history flicks.''
20. Who is your favorite actor or actress?
    Harrison Ford is one of the best and most versatile actors I've ever seen.
21. Who is your least favorite actor or actress?
    Jim Carrey is an abomination.
22. Do you consider yourself Democrat, Republican, something else, or non-political?
    I'm nonpolitical, mostly because I have n tolerance for the incessant bickering of the factions.
23. Which of these have you done: been to Las Vegas, surfed, sky dived, spent a night outdorrs, drove a motorcycle, fished, mountain climbed, hunted and killed an animal?
    Of the list, I have not been to Vegas, have not surfed, and have not sky dived. I have spent several nights outdoors, went on several fishing trips in Canada, hunted and killed at least five squirrels before giving it up at thirteen, skinny dipped (illicitly), went rappelling in a tree and climbed a mountain-like hillside, and drove a small motorcycle. (wow, that sounds like a Surge commercial!)
24. Ideally, what would you like to be or do for a career?
    When I grow up I want to be a rock star.
25. What do you consider to be your best and worst attributes?
    Intelligence, generosity, and curiosity... the ultimate double-edged weapons.