another tech support story

This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the HelpDesk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause". This is actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:

Tech: "Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Tech: "What sort of trouble?"

Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

Tech: "Went away?"

Caller: "They disappeared!"

Tech: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

Caller: "Nothing."

Tech: "Nothing?"

Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Tech: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

Caller: "How do I tell?"

Tech: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"

Tech: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Tech: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

Caller: "What's a monitor?"

Tech: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

Caller: "I don't know."

Tech: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

Caller: "Yes, I think so."

Tech: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

Caller: ".......Yes, it is."

Tech: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

Caller: "No."

Tech: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

Caller: "....... Okay, here it is."

Tech: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

Caller: "I can't reach."

Tech: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

Caller: "No."

Tech: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

Tech: "Dark?"

Caller: "Yes -the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

Tech: "Well, turn on the office light then."

Caller: "I can't."

Tech: "No? Why not?"

Caller: "Because there's a power failure."

Tech: "A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Tech: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"

Tech: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

Tech: "Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer."

Tech:	"Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller:	"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Tech:	"What sort of trouble?"
Caller:	"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Tech:	"Went away?"
Caller:	"They disappeared!"
Tech:	"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller:	"Nothing."
Tech:	"Nothing?"
Caller:	"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Tech:	"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Caller:	"How do I tell?"
Tech:	"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
Caller:	"What's a sea-prompt?"
Tech:	"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller:	"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Tech:	"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
Caller:	"What's a monitor?"
Tech:	"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
Caller:	"I don't know."
Tech:	"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
Caller:	"Yes, I think so."
Tech:	"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Caller:	".......Yes, it is."
Tech:	"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Caller:	"No."
Tech:	"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller:	"....... Okay, here it is."
Tech:	"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller:	"I can't reach."
Tech:	"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Caller:	"No."
Tech:	"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Caller:	"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."
Tech:	"Dark?"
Caller:	"Yes -the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Tech:	"Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller:	"I can't."
Tech:	"No? Why not?"
Caller:	"Because there's a power failure."
Tech:	"A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
Caller:	"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Tech:	"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller:	"Really? Is it that bad?"
Tech:	"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller:	"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
Tech:	"Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer."