this is the classic Abbott and Costello routine as printed in the Lexington Herald-Leader sometime in, i think, 1996. (the top of the page is missing from my copy...)
Bud: You know, strange as it may seem, they give baseball players peculiar names nowadays. On the St. Louis team, Who's on first, What's on second, and I Don't Know is on third.
Lou: That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the St. Louis team.
Bud: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, and I Don't Know is on third.
Lou: You know the fellows' names?
Bud: Yes.
Lou: Well, then, who's playin' first?
Bud: Yes.
Lou: I mean the fellow's name on first base.
Bud: Who.
Lou: The fellow's name on first base for St. Louis.
Bud: Who.
Lou: The guy on first base.
Bud: Who is on first base.
Lou: Well, what are you askin' me for?
Bud: I'm not asking you. I'm telling you. Who is on first.
Lou: I'm askin' you, who is on first.
Bud: That's the man's name.
Lou: That's whose name?
Bud: Yes.
Lou: Well, go ahead and tell me.
Bud: Who?
Lou: The guy on first.
Bud: Who.
Lou: The first baseman.
Bud: Who is on first.
Lou: (trying to be calm.) Have you got a baseman on first?
Bud: Certainly.
Lou: Well, all I'm tryin' to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.
Bud: Oh, no, no. What is on second base.
Lou: I'm not askin' you who's on second.
Bud: Who's on first.
Lou: That's what I'm tryin' to find out.
Bud: Well, don't change the players around.
Lou: (exasperation creeping into his voice) I'm not changin' anybody.
Bud: Now take it easy.
Lou: What's the guy's name on first base?
Bud: What's the guy's name on second base.
Lou: I'm not askin' you who's on second.
Bud: Who's on first.
Lou: I don't know.
Bud: He's on third. We're not talking about him.
Lou: (almost begging) How could I get on third base?
Bud: You mentioned his name.
Lou: If I mentioned his name, who did I say is playing third?
Bud: (back to basics) No, Who's playing first.
Lou: Stay offa first, will ya?
Bud: Please, now what is it you'd like to know?
Lou: What is the fellow's name on third base?
Bud: What is the fellow's name on second base.
Lou: I'm not askin' ya who's on second.
Bud: Who's on first.
Lou: I don't know.
Bud & Lou: (together) Third base!
Lou: (tries again) You got an outfield?
Bud: Certainly.
Lou: St. Louis got a good outfield?
Bud: Oh, absolutely.
Lou: The left fielder's name.
Bud: Why.
Lou: I don't know. I just thought I'd ask.
Bud: Well, I just thought I'd tell you.
Lou: Then tell me who's playing left field.
Bud: Who's playing first.
Lou: Stay outta the infield!
Bud: Don't mention any names there.
Lou: (firmly) I wanna know what's the fellow's name in left field.
Bud: What is on second.
Lou: I'm not askin' you who's on second.
Bud: Who is on first.
Lou: I don't know.
Bud & Lou: (together) Third base!
Bud: Now, take it easy, man.
Lou: An dthe left fielder's name?
Bud: Why.
Lou: Because.
Bud: Oh, he's center field.
Lou: Wait a minute. You got a pitcher on the team?
Bud: Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher?
Lou: I dunno. Tell me the pitcher's name.
Bud: Tomorrow.
Lou: You don't want to tell me today?
Bud: I'm telling you, man.
Lou: Then go ahead.
Bud: Tomorrow.
Lou: What time?
Bud: What time what?
Lou: What time tomorrow are you telling me who's pitching?
Bud: Now listen, who is not pitching. Who is on --
Lou: (excited) I'll break you arm if you say who is on first.
Bud: Then why come up here and ask?
Lou: I want to know what's the pitcher's name!
Bud: What's on second.
Lou: (sighs) I don't know.
Bud & Lou: (together) Third base!
Lou: You got a chatcher?
Bud: Yes.
Lou: The catcher's name.
Bud: Today.
Lou: Today. And Tomorrow's pitching.
Bud: Now you've got it.
Lou: That's all. St. Louis got a couple of days on their team. That's all.
Bud: Well, I can't help that. What do you want me to do?
Lou: Gotta catcher?
Bud: Yes.
Lou: I'm a good catcher, too, you know.
Bud: I know that.
Lou: I would like to play for St. Louis.
Bud: Well, I might arrange that.
Lou: I would like to catch. Now tomorrow's pitching on the team and I'm catching.
Bud: Yes.
Lou: Tomorrow throws the ball and the guy up bunts the ball.
Bud: Yes.
Lou: So when he bunts the ball, me, bein' a good catcher, I want to throw to the guy at first base. So I pick up the ball and I throw it to who?
Bud: Now that's the first thing you've said right!
Lou: I don't even know what I'm talkin' about!
Bud: That's all you have to do.
Lou: I throw it to first base.
Bud: Yes.
Lou: Now who's got it?
Bud: Naturally.
Lou: Naturally.
Bud: Naturally.
Lou: I throw the ball to naturally.
Bud: You throw it to Who.
Lou: Naturally.
Bud: Naturally, well, say it that way.
Lou: That's what I'm saying!
Bud: Now don't get excited, don't get excited.
Lou: I throw the ball to first base.
Bud: Then Who gets it.
Lou: He'd better get it.
Bud: That's it. All right now, don't get excited. Take it easy.
Lou: (beside himself) Not I throw the ball to first base, whoever it is grabs the ball, so the guy runs to second.
Bud: Uh-huh.
Lou: Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow. A triple play!
Bud: Yeah, could be.
Lou: Another guy comes up and it's a long fly ball to center. Why? I don't know. And I don't care.
Bud: What was that?
Lou: I said, I don't care.
Bud: Oh, that's our shortstop.