19 Ways to Tell if a Redneck is Working at a Computer in your Office

  1. The mouse is referred to as a, "critter."
  2. The keyboard is camouflaged.
  3. There is a skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
  4. There is a gunrack mounted onto the CPU.
  5. The password is, "bubba."
  6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
  7. Nothing on this line but the number 7 (proof that I ain't no redneck).
  8. Windows 95 has a Dale Earnhardt sticker on it.
  9. Outgoing faxes have beerstains on them.
  10. The printer goes really slow since Bubba don't read too fast.
  11. The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts installed in them.
  12. The menus all have Budweiser, Black Label, and Old Milwaukee options.
  13. Jeff Foxworthy *.wavs.
  14. The monitor is up on blocks.
  15. Seven blue tick hounds under the desk.
  16. Deer jerky in the desk drawer.
  17. The screen saver consists of pictures of Ned Beatty with Dueling Banjos playing in the background.
  18. The six front keys have rotted out.
  19. John Deer Pocket Protectors.

REDNECK COMPUTER TERMS

BACKUP - What you do when you run across a skunk in the woods
BAR CODE - Them's the fight'n rules down at the local tavern
BUG - The reason you give for calling in sick
BYTE - What your pit bull dun to cusin Jethro
CACHE - Needed when you run out of food stamps
CHIP - Pasture muffins that you try not to step in
TERMINAL - Time to call the undertaker
CRASH - When you go to Junior's party uninvited
DIGITAL - The art of counting on your fingers
DISKETTE - Female Disco dancer
FAX - What you lie about to the IRS
HACKER - Uncle Leroy after 32 years of smoking
HARDCOPY - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos
INTERNET - Where cafeteria workers put their hair
KEYBOARD - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere
MEGAHERTZ - How your head feels after 17 beers
MODEM - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall
MOUSE PAD - Where Mickey and Minnie live
NETWORK - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line
ONLINE - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test
ROM - Where the pope lives
SCREEN - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch
SERIAL PORT - A red wine you drink with breakfast
SUPERCONDUCTOR - Amtrak's Employee of the year
SCSI - What you call your week-old underwear