HICKBONICS
The Association of Southern Schools has decided to pursue some of the
seemingly endless taxpayer dollars pipelined through Washington by
designating Southern slang, or Hickbonics," as a language to be
taught in all Southern schools.
The following are excerpts from the Hickbonics/English dictionary:
- HEIDI - (noun) - Greeting.
- HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
- Usage: Heidi, Hire yew?"
- BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
- Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
- JAWJUH - (noun) - The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
- Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
- BAMMER - (noun) - The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum.
- Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."
- MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division.
- Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."
- THANK - (verb) - Ability to cognitively process.
- Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
- BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.
- Usage: " Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
- IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
- Usage: "Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"
- RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
- Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
- ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant.
- Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
- FAR - (noun) - A conflagration.
- Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck,that thing's gonna catch far."
- TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel.
- Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
- TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument.
- Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
- RETARD - (verb) - To stop working.
- Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
- FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat.
- Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."
- RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege.
- Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
- FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic.
- Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed, must be from some farn country."
- DID - (adjective) - Not alive.
- Usage: "He's did, Jim."
- EAR - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen.
- Usage: "He cain't breathe...give 'im some ear!"
- BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable.
- Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
- JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction.
- Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"
- HAZE - a contraction.
- Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit'n his laf."
- SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see."
- VIEW - contraction "have you": (verb) and pronoun.
- Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"
- GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution.
- Usage: "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert."