More jokes about engineers

Why Engineers Don't Write Recipe Books....

Chocolate Chip Cookies:

Ingredients:

532.35 cm³ gluten

4.9 cm³ NaHCO3

4.9 cm³ refined halite

236.6 cm³ partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride

177.45 cm³ crystalline C12H22O11

177.45 cm³ unrefined C12H22O11

4.9 cm³ methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde

Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein

473.2 cm³ theobroma cacao

236.6 cm³ de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)

Directions:
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft²-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.
Using a screw extruder attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.

You may be an engineer if...

If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE.
If your wrist watch has more computing power than a PowerPC.
If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes.
If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner.
If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place.
If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys.
If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.
If you window shop at Radio Shack
If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies.
If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment.
If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is.
If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven.
If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush.
If you own "Official Star Trek" anything.
If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project.
If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor.
If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.
If you truly believe aliens are living among us.
If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.
If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it.
If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.
If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.
If you have more toys than your kids.
If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name.
If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.
If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight.
If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work, and you rush up to the front to fix it.
If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary.
If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel, and have seen most of the shows already
If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting.
If people groan at the party when you pick out the music.
If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week.
If you did the sound system for your senior prom.
If your checkbook always balances.
If your wrist watch has more buttons than a telephone.
If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life
If you thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers.
If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep.
If you spend more on your home computer than your car.
If you know what http:/ stands for.
If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio.
If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage.
If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory.
If your 4 basic food groups are: (1) Caffeine (2) Fat (3) Sugar (4) Chocolate (or Chinese, pizza, beer, etc)
If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail. [OUCH!!!]

http:/ stands for Hyper Text Transfer Protocol.... what's so geeky about knowing that?!!?! The real geeky stuff is in knowing the rest of the stuff about a Uniform Resource Locator or URL:

that the colon (:) is the separator (separates the protocol string [ftp or http or gopher or whatever] from the rest of the URL)
the slash is the standard unix directory separator, as oppsed to the backslash in DOS. the first two slashes tell you that the first field is going to be the name of a machine, which will have several dots in it. the dots separate the host name from the parts of the domain name
the guy who actually invented the URL regrets having both dots and slashes in it (saw an interview on PBS one night; he used NeXTs!)