The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret those hidden signs:

1. Women won't unlock car door for men - Doesn't engage in oral sex
2. Man gets in car without opening door for woman - no foreplay
3. Can't hail a cab - impotent
4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant - prefers virgins
5. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way - is a virgin
6. Insists on going to a romantic, candlelit restaurant - Compulsive Don Juan
7. Insists in going to a homey little cafe with windmill motif - Compulsive Don Quixote
8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar - Compulsive Don Ho
9. Wants to go to a French Restaurant - will swallow
10. Wants to go to a deli -won't swallow
11. Uses Sweet n' Low - wearing falsies
12. Takes too long deciding what to order - has trouble reaching orgasm
13. Orders salad dressing on the side - will give you a hand job but won't go "all the way"
14. Gives explicit orders to waiter - will expect incredibly skilled gymnastics in bed
15. Asks for extra rolls - will say she's using birth control when she's not, will get pregnant and sue
16. Insists on ordering for you, refering to you as "the lady will have..." - thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't
17. Asks for the "usual" - Insists on missionary position only
18. Asks what the specials are - will want you to use handcuffs
19. Fills up on bread and crackers - premature ejaculator
20. Doesn't finish everything on plate - has already come
21. Insists on having some of whatever you ordered - will make you sleep on wet spot
22. Changes mind after ordering - will never call you
23. Changes tables - nymphomaniac 24. Drinks decaf - fakes orgasms (female)
24. Orders in French - fakes orgasms (male)
25. Sends food back - will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, then try to borrow money
26. Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts - needs you to talk dirty during sex
27. Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers - wants a handjob
28. Orders a dessert involving nuts - castrating bitch
29. Wants to split dessert - is dying to get rid of her apartment, move in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all your baseball posters
30. Credit card is refused - low sperm count
31. Undertips waiter - small penis
32. Undertips parking valet - small penis
33. Undertips cabbie - small penis
34. Uses toothpick - is trying to tell you size isin't everything
35. Removable cassette player in car - pulls out repeatedly during sex
36. Cellular phone in car - penile implant