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August 25, 1997

The Top 15 Chinese Translations of English Movie Titles

15> "Pretty Woman" - "I Will Marry a Prostitute to Save Money"

14> "Face/Off" - "Who Is Face Belonging To?  I Kill You Again,
     Harder!"

13> "Leaving Las Vegas" - "I'm Drunk And You're a Prostitute"

12> "Interview With The Vampire" - "So, You Are a Lawyer?"

11> "The Piano" - "Ungrateful Adulteress! I Chop Off Your Finger!"

10> "My Best Friend's Wedding" - "Help! My Pretend Boyfriend
     Is Gay!"

 9> "George of the Jungle" - "Big Dumb Monkey-Man Keeps Whacking
     Tree With Genitals"

 8> "Scent of a Woman" - "Great Buddha!  I Can Smell You From Afar!
    Take a Bath, Will You?!"

 7> "Love, Valour, Compassion!" - "I Am That Guy From Seinfeld So
     It's Acceptable for Straight People to Enjoy This Gay Movie"

 6> "Babe" - "The Happy Dumpling-to-be Who Talks And Solves
     Agricultural Problems"

 5> "Twister" - "Run! Ruuunnnn! Cloudzillaaaaa!"

 4> "Field of Dreams" - "Imaginary Dead Baseball Players Live in
     My Cornfield"

 3> "Barb Wire" - "Delicate Orbs of Womanhood Bigger Than Your
     Head Can Hurt You"

 2> "Batman & Robin" - "Come to My Cave and Wear This Rubber
     Codpiece, Cute Boy"


and the Number 1 Chinese Translation of an English Movie Title...


 1> "The Crying Game" - "Oh No!  My Girlfriend Has a Penis!"




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                   Ruminations & Ponderances

          Piano students who have trouble playing the
            black keys should just paint them white,
             because white keys are easier to play.

                  (Thanks to Paul Paternoster)

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