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all that stuff people email to you
unsorted and roughly chronological
you know the jokes that people send you in email, with lots of
forwarding ``>>>'' that make them hard to read? i got into a
habit of cleaning those up and putting them here, so my friends could
email URLs instead of unreadable junk.
i started this in college, around '96 or so, and stopped in '99.
this is still here because i'm lazy, and every now and then it's good
for a random read.
disclaimer: i didn't create
any of these. some of them are offensive. read at your own risk.
- yo' momma is so fat... (an assortment of yo' momma jokes)
- A Prayer for Stress
- Hickbonics
- stories about flight attendants
- what's your business horrorscope?
- his and hers ATMs
- yo' momma is so fat... (an assortment of yo' momma jokes)
- A Prayer for Stress
- Hickbonics
- stories about flight attendants
- what's your business horrorscope?
- his and hers ATMs
- showering -- a tutorial
- The Universal Meta-Joke
- Her Majesty Visits the Hospital
- a rejection letter sent to MIT...
- Why did God not get tenure?
- another tech support story
- Accidental Accident Reports
- Jerry Falwell's New Gay list
- Bar Room Translations
- Phrases you probably shouldn't use at work, but would like to...
- the return of little johnny
- history, as mangled by British high school students
- sometimes it does take a rocket scientist...
- proof that the truth is the best bet in making job applications
- The War of the Sexes starts early...
- a corny jokes about a glass eye
- maybe prozac isn't the miracle cure after all.
- yet another joke about married life
- A compelling description of the Beer-Me Diet
- Interesting anagrams from everyday life
- The Beer Prayer
- You know you were an 80's kid if:
- another interpretation of the Y2K problem
- even yet another list of actual headlines
- a guide for Comprehending Engineers
- risque e-mail address
- Bubbas and beer...
- for fans of pop culture, a story of Love in the Eighties
- A Fun Story for Exam Week
- a lawyer has to know a lot about history to get a loan these days...
- The Y 'Zero' K Problem
- maybe this Y2K stuff has an upside, after all
- a story about a genie and a wish
- a routine traffic stop
- testimonials about the upgrade to wife-1.0
- comparing and contrasting the stages of life for males and females
- top ten men
- before Naming Your Rock Band, here's a list of already-taken names...
- a great big grab-bag of jokes and such
- Darwin Award Nominees for 1998
- The Frequently Asked Questions list from the alt.drugs newsgroup about a phreaky new drug called H2O (this is very fake)
- A nice little story about XMas traditions
- Top 10 things we want to hear Samuel L. Jackson, 'Jedi Master Mace Windu,' say in the new Star Wars Prequel
- 25 Rejected Dr. Seuss books
- Really raunchy things Confucius never said...
- Darwin Awards for 1998
- Undocumented Win98 Error Codes
- a thriller about the VAXorcist
- Self-Referential Aptitude Test
- scientific marvels, as mangled by junior high students...
- you can't kill twinkies...
- Another interesting scientific fact...
- Bill of No Rights
- even God needs a vacation every now and then
- VI joke
- musings by steve gorman of the black crowes
- More random quotes from the fortune program
- the classic Who's On First? routine
- some observations about life in America
- These useful quotes were reportedly taken from actual federal employee performance evaluations...
- even yet still more random quotes from the email vaccuum
- You Might Be A Redneck Jedi If...
- another round of 'how many insert stereotype heres does it change to take a lightbulb?' jokes, this time about different religous sects
- 1998 Darwin Award Nominees
- a pointer to an explanation of 'why titanic should stay sunk'...
- another explanation (in questionable taste) of english sayings
- a classic song from Homer Simpson
- a plethora of Stephen Wright's deadpan jokes
- Ludwig van Beethoven - a ghost story
- a satirical look at the proliferation of ascii-art signatures on USENET
- Some affirmations toward personal growth
- A little parable about politics --- more accurate than you might think
- a news flash about a small plane crash
- what we wouldn't know if the movies didn't teach us
- a list of great Bumper Stickers that should exist
- a grab-bag of jokes for a lazy friday afternoon
- A lot of one-liners
- Murphy's Laws on Technology
- isn't it odd that gasoline is cheaper than milk?
- definitions of several computer acronyms
- Some deeply philosophical questions
- some great weird facts to amaze your friends!
- Things not to say to a cop
- a comment on the uselessness of pi
- an interesting history lesson that explains a few things...
- there's a miracle cure for sexual problems...
- a funny little story about smuggling
- The top 15 technical expressions (and what they really mean).
- don't you wish OJ Simpson would just go away?
- a very cold joke at the expense of prolific people
- observations on the ways different types of men have sex (a cheap excuse for MS bashing)
- words from some wise women
- 'The Internet Needs a Chastity Chip' - one of many one-minute speeches by some crazy Congressman
- the coolest-ever error messages; i think i shall have to hack the linux kernel to make it
- A guide to quick cleaning
- An explanation of Led Zeppelin's sex appeal (written by a woman).
- sometimes men have to fall back on old-fashioned misogynistic humor
- some true horror stories from medical journals; they're fairly sickening.
- a very funny story
- more signs that you're too drunk
- and you thought Germans had really long words
- the lowdown on several recent mergers
- The Year's Best Actual Headlines
- Dennis Miller's advice to men/women on what women/men want.
- it's always good to have a snappy comeback ready
- some classic 'a man walks into a bar' jokes...
- another bar joke
- 20 Words That Should Exist
- the real reason for tension between the sexes...
- a transcript from a call to technical support
- a delightful little anecdote about an engineer in hell
- are you Enlightened? take this test and see...
- A long list of One Liners
- If the Linux community built cars
- a song for programmers only
- even yet still more male bashing
- some random quotes from the unix fortune program
- if those FDA Warning Labels really told the truth...
- are you gullible?
- Dave Barry's views on electricity
- i think snl once did a sketch like this...
- How to make progress in the workplace
- Bill Gates now owns everything
- The Top 50 Oxymorons
- a slew of really corny jokes
- should we really trust our politicians to have intelligence?
- another really bad joke
- why windows 95 is not a virus
- yet another case of misunderstanding directions
- an anthropologist's look at engineers
- a guide on how to be a good computer science teacher
- even yet still more bashing on bill gates
- pick-up lines likely to be used by programmers
- more of the ubiquitous redneck jokes, this time about computers
- even more bashing on bill gates
- it can be dangerous to be a nerd these days...
- Justification for higher education
- Watch Out!! there's a new virus spreading!!!
- If operating systems were beer
- The latest in Techno Jargon
- The lesson here is 'don't mess up covers'....
- can you guess what this is?
- The Scandal that rocked heaven
- You know you're a physics major if...
- signs you're not in college anymore
- according to this, i must be the prime sufferer of technostress
- another version of an old story about long-term misunderstandings
- if Dr Seuss wrote computer manuals
- know your unix sysadmin, with this helpful guide
- computers say the darnedest things... (odd messages from unix shells)
- 100 reasons it's great to be a guy, and 10 reasons it's not great
- just a reminder, i didn't write this!! (but it's funny as hell)
- even yet still more dumb engineer jokes
- a real UNIX geek's christmas carol
- always a big hit, the 1997 darwin awards
- a mathematical proof of one of life's injustices
- what if everybody made a christmas special?
- an observation about Back to the Future Part 2
- Dr. Seuss is turning in his grave... now that his lesser-known books have been discovered!
- a whole mess of stuff about math and mathematicians
- 'if i ever become a vampire' -- an affirmation?
- a very polite letter from the Smithsonian to a complete crackpot
- a quick one about jumping to conclusions
- a demented Star Wars musical
- a mathematician's take on theology
- Dave Barry teaches us about software installation
- a few more jokes about engineers
- did you ever wonder if fighter jets have warranty cards?
- more bad english in films from Hong Kong
- a new personality test -- based on lucky charms marshmallows
- top ten lists? here's a whole slew of them.
- is it nonsense or a sad kind of engineering porn?
- i think this idiot made the national news...
- you can never get enough jokes based on unintelligble dialects
- how to make a good double album
- how to satisfy a woman...
- A walk down memory lane to the days of the cold war and the U.S.S.R. ...
- for those of us from rural America, some words to live by...
- the sick tale of a man who really likes monkeys
- a true dating dilemma
- some dirty-minded dating signs
- the darwin awards for '97
- as seen on the star wars rassm newsgroup (http://..(i lost the url!)..)... what if the crew of the Enterprise beamed into the Mos Eisley Cantina?
- from the pages of the IEEE's newsletter comes the tale of a really smart rodent
- announcing the 1997 winner of the darwin awards... 'a man can't just sit around...'
- what if everything needed a warning label?
- an illustration of the idiocy of both satan-fearing rednecks and daemon-based UNIX
- appropriate instructions on how to write a paper
- some slogans for national condom awareness week
- more condom slogans --- for new name brands!
- more tales of the computer illiterate
- call the psychiatric hotline
- installation and cooking instructions for MicroSloth's new line of T.V. dinners
- the nun or the camel?
- rap.html
- more chinese movie titles
- kafka wouldn't have dreamed of this trial
- famous people's answers to a very famous question
- some people just don't realize how the things they say sound to other people... (mouse balls)
- MicroSloth, masters of playground politics...
- another one of those goofy quizzes
- who said all of these jokes are dirty?
- proof that kids are stoopid
- a few signs that you're too drunk
- friendship in the 'new era'
- about the discovery of a new element
- a scientific look at lHell and Thermodynamics
- Bill Gates gets some justice
- a useful guide on how to answer a woman
- ever feel like you wanted to shoot the one you love? have your kids do it!
- an example of hate mail sent to the gay and lesbian foundation
- seems Neal has some very Seinfeld-ish moments...
- signs that the Peanuts are too old
- yet another top 10: why trick-or-treating is better than sex
- proof that God is Unix user
- never seems to take my friends long to resort to bathroom humor
- a long list of Bart-isms
- barbie fights back...
- how to argue
- some truly bad writing
- the truth behind the most popular rejection lines
- the rap rosette stone (
- stories about stupid criminals
- some really crappy but funny analogies
- the 12 days of Microsoft Christmas
- ever think how you'd look through somebody else's eyes?
- grade-schoolers' Jack Handey-isms
- why Gene Simmons thinks 90's bands suck
- Y.O.D.A
- signs that technology has taken over your life
- if rednecks lived in the Star Trek days
- this one kinda reminds me of K.E.R.A.
- bashing on both Microsoft and the South at once
- can MicroSloth go too far? (part 1)
- can MicroSloth go too far? (part 2)
- Learn about an unfortunately named bit of information software, M.I.A.S.S.
- a description of Male Answer Syndrome
- the gangsta aptitude tess' --- just what you think it is
- several (mostly dirty and bad) jokes
- the history of medicine
- more humor about operating systems
- lucky-charms-b.html
- a politcally re-biased look at an old fairy tale
- Latest terms to add to your vocabulary in the late 90s office environment
- tales from a help desk
- What's Y'all's Sign (Horoscope for Southerners)
- The strange things that lawyers say... (true stories from the Mass. Bar Assoc.)
[ home ]
[ humor ]
[ links ]
[ muppet ]
[ other ]
[ software ]
[ as of yet ]